So in case you work a normal job and weren't watching and betting on a Uruguay/Italy World Cup match at 1pm on weekday yesterday, this Luis Suarez guy stole the show by biting an Italian (or EATalian as it were amiright? we have fun here) player in the second half. Now don't get me wrong, biting a dude is not normal behavior, but Bob Ley and the rest of the ESPN soccer crew were siting around on the ESPN set in Brazil for hours on end acting like they were reporting on a plane crash or something. Yeah a guy got bit and ended up with a minor abrasion big deal. Marv Albert once bit a prostitute while dressed in women's underwear*. Mike Tyson literally bit a chunk of Evander Holyfield's ear off like he was a chocolate bunny. And as recently as May of this year Dodger catcher Miguel Olivo bit part of the ear off of his own teammate. So as crazy as it sounds this isn't even the biggest biting story of the calendar year.
And the more coverage this received the more it became apparent that this is sort of his thing. Like this is the THIRD time he's bitten someone in international competition! Three times! His nickname is the Cannibal for goodness sakes. What do you expect a guy to do when he gets a nickname like that? When Reggie Jackson got the nickname 'Mr. October' he lived up to it by getting clutch hits in playoff games. When Brian Wilson started being called 'The Beard' he grew the most outrageous chin sweater of all time. And when Luis Suarez became known as The Cannibal he just starting biting people left and right. This is is calling card. It's like when the Wet Bandits flooded bathrooms after they robbed people. Not to mention if everyone in the soccer community was so outraged why didn't he get a lifetime ban after bite #2? You know how the old saying goes, bite me once shame on you, bite me twice shame on me, bite me three times you sneaky like being bit.
*Really read that again. I'm not sure anyone has ever navigated a PR disaster like that with more aplomb than Marv. I know it's not the same thing but Ryan Braun could have learned a lesson there. Marv just owned up to it, went on timeout for 6 months and was back broadcasting NBA Finals games the following year like nothing happened. Just goes to show you that if you are supremely talented at what you do you can overcome biting a woman on the back. Pretty sure that's the lesson there.
PS: I guess there were Sportsbooks that openly had prop bets on whether or not Suarez would bite somebody in the World Cup and not only did 176 people cash in on it but it paid 175 to 1. That's how known he is for this behavior.
Double PS: Suarez absolutely put his entire life's savings on that bet didn't he?