« The Geezer Files


by Terry Veldhouse

A prophet is without honor in his own country.

This Bible verse is lost on our younger generation, but a Geezer knows exactly what this means. Here is how this rule gets applied to Geezers.

It used to be that true Geezers were hard to find. Remember Ben Franklin? In his time, in the 1700s, the average life expectancy was about 40 years. In our day, the age of 40 is about the time that future geezers start getting cocky and look for a different little woman. Only a hundred years ago a forty year old man was happy to still have his wife, and true geezerhood was achieved at a much earlier age. The average life expectancy was only 50 years then.

Today, we have a different story. We are getting to have geezers everywhere. A guy who was born in 1950 had an average life expectancy of 66 years on that day. Sixty years later, if he has made it that far, he now has a life expectancy of 76. If he lives to 70, it becomes 80 years. Nobody thinks they are near the end at 60 anymore, and that would have been a pretty good geezer in 1900. The point is, we are everywhere.

So, what does all this mean to geezers? We used to be cherished. We were rare! People considered us to be special if we were healthy and smart enough to become 60. Now 60 is the new 45. 80 is the new 60. Geezers really have to perform if they want any real respect, and I mean you have to be playing tennis or something at 80, not just vegging out in a nursing home. Somehow we have to EARN IT, respect that is. It just doesnt seem right. We should just have it after all this constant surviving!

Here is some anecdotal evidence to prove my point. Anecdotal means that my research is sketchy so I am really making all this up. Jack Benny did this too.

A quick run through the Shopko to look at Fathers Day cards yielded this gem:

Page 1: When you talk, people listen. (Drawing of a egghead kid and his dog, use your imagination)

Page 2: blank page, so the sender has space to apologize for the card

Page 3: Not anyone in the family, of course. But other people, somewhere, MUST. HAPPY FATHERSDAY.

Its a good thing Geezers have a sense of humor, because this card was delivered to my home, for me, for Fathers Day. It just doesnt seem right.

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